Appreciation: A slower time

The self-talks are the realest conversations you should have. It’s on a daily for me: the habitual need to analyze every thought, every action, everything I see. Partly from trauma, part of it’s just me. It’s something I now know lies on the surface of my shadow.

When you continuously experience horrendous things that are out of your control from a young age, your brain has a way of trying to protect yourself from such harm again, and the nervous system follows. I wasn’t aware until I got older, but I slowly began to try to control the way things would flow, whether I had any say in it or not. The moment my brain or body sensed— “danger,” Survival mode would kick in and the internal chaos will follow.

It took me a substantial amount of time to understand this. Honestly, it really wasn’t until now I truly started to grasp this. It wasn’t until after I decided to leave my scrub ass of an abusive ex and never look back, that I realized, Yeah, fuckkkk trying to control other people and a situation that you have no business being in in the first place.

So many of us stay for too long, fight too hard, for things that we know damn well we should have been let go of. It’s hard. I get it. You know what’s harder? Finding yourself after you’ve given everything to everyone else. Finding peace when the world says, “Look at me, look at this!” When you’re told that your value lies in copious amounts of empathy and restraint.

LIES. It doesn’t. The strength comes during the courage—during the fight, during the tears. I’m serious. How many times, folks, will you hear me say this? Probably more than enough. No one is coming to fucking save you, goddamn it! Save yourself!

And that’s the secret to life: to finding yourself. To living your dreams by all means possible. I can not say it enough: when you choose you, the universe chooses you too!

Have a happy and safe weekend.

Wishing you love, peace, and blessings,

—Nëbbie