Journey Through the Evolution

I exhale.

This one feels heavier.

In breath, I release.

"DID I WRITE THAT?"

I roll my eyes a thousand times over inside and out every time I think of this.

DID SHE REALLY JUST ASK ME IF I PHYSICALLY WROTE MY OWN BOOK?

PEOPLE.

I shake my head at the normalcy society has provided us.

Is this the feeling of coming home to yourself? I am sure this lies in relation to that & my upbringing. I know have a sometimes-frustrating understanding about how our childhood shapes us into the adults we are today.

People are habitual, and so was I.

I chose to use was particularly because some time ago, amid another abusive lover, I reached a point in my life where I grew extremely tired of listening to everyone else, what they were saying and decided to make a change.

I HAD TO SEPARATE.

From the good to the bad to the ugly, I had to dive all the way in, and the mental confusion I felt came way earlier on in life. A kind result of childhood grooming and mentality warping.

As a child I was always searching for pieces of myself in others. I was always comparing, always measuring. I can vividly remember me questioning who I was. There were several moments I would just pause during the day and ponder, like a wave of surrealness washing over me.

Emotionally I found comfort in things that provided a reflection of who I felt inside; I never realized until now those things were private.

FOR MYSELF.

It was when I shared those very things with the people who tried to distort those truths within me, that I found myself feeling more confused, and less myself.

My days of over-explaining are over.

MY DAYS OF TRYING TO PROVE MY WORTH BY SCRAPING WHAT LITTLE OF MYSELF I'VE GOT LEFT OFF YOUR SHITTY SIDEWALK ARE THROUGH.

WE ARE NOT HERE TO CONVINCE OTHERS TO SEE US.

From the looking glass inwards, the journey of self love requires HONESTY.

It requires patience.

It requires the truth.

Are you able to be honest within the deepest parts of yourself, while holding all your truths?

Are you able to walk with love, regardless of what people think of you?

We are so terribly held down by the pre-conceived notions of the ones that come before us.

We are so scared to point the finger inward because we are not sure how far, or how deep the shadows within us grew, or how dark the shadow grew.

Underneath the clothed meat suits, we are shattering, shivering bones.

It takes courage.

Searching through the cupboards of files that you've stored on yourself, but have you ever thought how lucky you are?

Every sec, every moment of the day a chance.

A CHOICE.

A moment to play.

In these decisions we can greatly change, and that is one of the biggest blessings in itself.

So the real question becomes how bad do you want this? The life you so very much love to seek.

-ASCENDING