"You must silence the outer so you can reach the inner."
The noise. 24/7. Stimulation. Music, TV, Talking, Social Media.
There is noise, distractions, waves of consistent active frequencies right at your fingertips. We must consciously practice to PUT IT DOWN.
Here is where the drowning will cease: The Silence.
Holy MOTHER OF GODDESS, the silence. My absofuckinglute FAVORITE.
I can't even begin to tell you—from how much I have been through in my 36 years—that silence is my BIGGEST regulation of all time.
I NEED EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING TO S T F U.
Pronto.
There is something about DEAD silence that just calms my entire nervous system. But we live in the drowning: a constant state of conscious awareness where beats, rhythm, and static are literally on a 24/7 fucking goddamn loop.
Where will you ever have time to meet yourself? In-between the loud speakers? Or overtop of someone else's goddamn reaction video?
I simply do not care. Silence is UNDERRATED. It is golden beyond its measure. It is the way to examine self from a personal perspective inside your own home.
Inside you. Inside your inside.
But you cannot tap in with louder frequencies. You must silence the outer so you can reach the inner. This, I found, is the only way it works for me.
We love a good distraction these days—anything that prevents us from actually having to stop, wait a fucking second, and think. Anything that prevents us from saying:
"Shit, you know what? I do that all the time, and it serves me no good."
We leave no room to examine. We leave no room to self-criticize. We lie. We steal. We cheat ourselves into believing that being boastful is doing the work. That pushing down the thoughts and opening our mouths is the key. That loudness deserves reward and softness is quite cowardly.
We are scared.
Scared because we know the truth: the silence will speak louder than we do. It will beckon from every fucking corner of our goddamn home. It will melt the paint off the walls and shatter the window glass pane. Silence brings out the most joy if you let it, but silence will first bring forth pain.
Oh, the pain. The rage. The sweating tears that will flow from your already worn-out pupils.
I KNOW.
"You've had enough."
But this is the part that matters the most. This is THE FIGHT. This is where you can't give in to the bullshit thoughts that will come riding into your mind like cock-blocking dick eaters. You have to hold yourself. You have to sit. You have to stay true to yourself and remember that some of this shit is completely untrue.
Emotions are funny. Some are raw. Real. Authentic. And some are literally shit. Bottom of your shoe, bullshit shit.
Those are the ones you need to learn to dismiss, but first you have to sit with it. You have to sit with it and let it stew. You have to meet it at the door with all its fucking stankness.
Then.
With eyes burning, and nostrils wide, you'll understand:
The fight has always been within you.