Sick and fucking tired of it.

I got my left lower wisdom tooth pulled approximately 6 days ago and the pain!
Oh the pain, is RIDICULOUS.

I do not know or understand how someone could get 4 of them pulled at one time and then go through a decent recovery process.

I never understood how people got hooked on opiates dealing with pain- #1. I have pretty high pain tolerance and #2-I was just never interested in doing heavy ass drugs for fear of the drug themselves and so forth.

Now?

Shit, lemme get 2 BUMPS of the FINEST Cocina you goddamn have.

And I don't even like coke.

I'm telling you ya'll, the throbbing was so severe it went all the up to the tip of my fucking earlobes.

My tongue was so fucking swollen I kept accidently biting it over and over and over, until the side of it felt so goddamn raw.

Just take me lordt!

For fuck sake, I don't know why tooth pain has to to be so GODDAMN severe but yeah, you got it.

Between ice packs, motrin, ibuprofen and barely eating, I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT.

My bf has been the sweetest ever to me. Just literally waiting on me hand and foot and I needn't want for more of anything but just this goddamn bullshit to stop! I quit cigarettes about 6 years ago so that's not a issue, but a bitch loves her marijuana.

Oh don't worry smokers, you will have ZERO desire to even LOOK at a cigarette, a blunt, a joint, anything. If you do, you're a god, or maybe the opposite because this shit right here? Wouldn't want for anybody.

On top of it, why would you smoke with a fucking HOLE IN YOUR GUMS?!
A literal hole.

We as human beings are stubborn and chase self-gratification, that's why, and speaking of, that brings me to my next subject of conversation.

People do not listen and age is JUST A FUCKING NUMBER. There is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise at this point, but to walk in my shoes and I yours.

People learn through experience, and our experiences shape who we are, how we think and so forth.

That being said, I have been through quite a lot for someone who has just lived 36 years on this earth. I am starting to realize I no longer put myself into a little cute bow box up on a shelf for people to look at.

I don't care if you don't like it, I don't care if this is something "we have not discussed."

None of that shit matters to me anymore.

From this point forward all I care about is motherfucking me.

I mean, for fuck sake, I spent damn near 34 years of my life following behind people who took glory in my failure.

Who prayed on my downfall, who worshipped low dimensional demons.

I'm not doing that fuck shit anymore.

I don't GIVE A GOD DAMN if you're 86 or 36, I'm worth more to me. I'm worth more than people CHOOSING to not listen when I say what I mean and mean what I say.

No problem; I'll disappear.

I spent so much fucking time trying to prove my worth to people that are now worth nothing to me. This is not to say they are not anything, but to me, they are now specs of dust that fly in the wind. The more I love myself, the more secure I become, thus the less empathy I feel.

This is not to say I myself am not empathic, because that is the very essence of who I am.

This is to say, I'm not longer empathetic to low efforts. To people that take and do not give back.

I have no more on my plate to give, and you cannot come sit at my table. I am not your backbone, your homegirl, or your friend.

Even that word—it's USED and ABUSED, told and OLD.

I'm not here to hold your hand, or even ask how you feel. I've had so many things pass through this brain of mine lately, I feel blessed. Blessed to have gained wisdom and understanding even through my experiences, because I am wise beyond my years.

I have innerstanding of this world and myself, and better yet my place in it.

I BELONG.

For the first time, I know I belong.

I know I can make a difference in this world and I want that. No matter how small, or how big.

I matter and so does my contribution.

I create because I love.

I love because I create.

I am pulled every day to be my highest self, my best self.

That's all I ever want to be.

That's all I've ever deserved.

The highest utmost love.

So yeah, it's personal.

No I don't want your small talk, your unheard messages or your guilty check-ins.

No, that line was not personal—it was universal.

It was to anyone or anything that applies.

Reap it, sow it, be it.

This year we release, all and everything that is no longer meant for me. You are weight that no longer needs to be felt, witnessed or existing.

Today is your death.

I speak in many forms ya'll but this one—this one is the truest.

From sexual abuse, homelessness, kidnapping, you name it, I AM DONE.

This one, this one's for me.

No more lies, no more hiding, no more.

You either come correct or not at all. I feel so proud to say there is no one, NO ONE out there, that knows me better than me.

I love you.

This is posted in shadows for several reasons; Personality, Presence and Pressure. You can find me where the pressure blows.

If this resonated with anyone on a higher journey, rise with me and hit that button!