Guilt

Guilt comes in many forms.

Either from something we did, didn't do, witnessed and so forth.

Guilt builds.

Slowly, and carefully.

It is the little tapping on your chest and your shoulders when you talk about, witness or overhear a familiar striking experience.

Guilt is felt on many levels.

I have felt guilty in my life about many things. From choices in partners to quick impulsive decisions that just landed me in situations or around people that served me no good. Oh yeah, guilt came in many forms.

Certainly in the form of self-preservance.

I think we do a lot of things for our own good reasons.

We as human beings don't like to simply admit it, but we do.

We want what we want, when we want it, because, well.

A hard lesson of truth I have finally just come to terms of starting to accept is the fact that

In fact: Getting what we want at all times, is not only dangerous, but unhealthy.

How? You might ask.

Well, my loves, let me tell you.

Can you imagine getting everything you wanted, all the time? Whenever you asked for it?

Shit, whenever you wished it.

You'd want for nothing and need for nothing.

Kind of sounds nice right?

At first.

At first, you are going to absofuckinglutely LOVE it.

Things coming in at every beckoning whim and call.

The "freedom."

The feeling of finally getting all that you think you need, and deserve.

Finally! Yes! I am getting what is so rightfully mine.

But is it?

At what cost?

At what point did you earn?

At what point did you understand the magnitude or have complete gratitude towards the efforts or energy it took to give you so?

Again, at what cost?

Do you think that you will always be entertained?

That boredom will not seek many days to shed a light on the hole we all so desperately try to fill?

"We are the filling.
We are the stuffing.
We are the only answer to our own suffering, demise and entertainment."

No material, No other being, No, nothing of that sort or manner.

It is only us.

It is the decisions we make, or lack thereof.

It is the way we treat ourselves during the times we are at our very worst.

It is the way we navigate through this world, and project onto yet another human being.

Don't say this isn't you because this is something we all are guilty of.

The wanting.

The needing.

The projection of our inner desires, aches and pains seeping out towards one another.

"Sometimes we carry things that are not ours.
The pain that we feel comes from another, and another."

The cycle continues and the pain grows deeper.

We reason.

We reason "to understand."

We convince ourselves the ways in which we deserved the things we endured, or the things we have witnessed.

We are guilty of holding the things that do not belong to us because we do not know where to put them.